Moldavite you sneaky little stinker. I was expecting you to scare the shit out of me like everything I read said you would. I understood you to be too strong, too powerful, too intense. But I’m finding you’re just right. You’re easing me into the work you do. I can’t help but be excited to see you and scared when I can’t find you, because I know I need you.
In Dream Town I was sitting next to a woman I immediately recognized as the mother of a girl I was friends with in elementary school. I haven’t seen this girl or thought about her/FB stalked her/asked anyone about her in forever. Probably not since high school was over.
I had a terrible experience at her house when I was 10 years old. If you know anything about a 10 year old girl, you know she is fierce, but impressionable. She may be tough on the outside, but inside she’s a sponge soaking up everything she experiences. I never forgot what happened that day and having this dream reminded me of her and stirred up those emotions again. Which is painful but helpful.
Let me tell you the story. It was a sunny summer day in fifth grade and I was swimming at a friend’s house. There was a group of us there – boys and girls. We were playing all the fun games you play in the pool. This girl’s grandmother was lifeguarding our fun.
I climbed out of the pool and went to the grass, prepared to take a long run and jump into the pool. As I started running, this grandmother announced to all the friends at the pool party, as if she was the commentator on some spectacular sporting event, “Uh oh kids, here comes Jillian, there goes all the pool water.” That was what I heard as my happy, confident, carefree body hit the water. When I emerged, I was changed.
I’m pretty sure that’s the moment I began wearing an over-sized T-shirt to every pool function thereafter and no one understood why.
It’s something I never forgot and probably the root of one of my many problems. I’ve never had a good mindset about body image and as I get older it’s getting worse. Last night I was reminded where it started and now I can give it the proper attention it deserves.
Interestingly enough though, later in Dream Town I dreamt I was in bed and a bird ran by and caught my attention. It hopped up on the bed and revealed itself as a magnificent peacock. Plumes spread, shining all the royalty, grace, and beauty within herself. She was gorgeous, and no one would convince her otherwise *
Should we really care about how others view us when our soul knows how beautiful we really are?
I woke up feeling disappointed in my dreams so I reached for my moldavite and held it in my left hand close to my heart. I could feel its energy pulsating through my hand. It’s working. Perhaps on a deeper level than I expected. I went to place it back on my nightstand and noticed my hand was glowing. I’m not awake, I’m dreaming. I’ve had a false awakening. But moldavite is working.
*Fun fact – it’s the male peacock that shows off his plumes the way the peacock did in my dream, but the story wouldn’t have made sense if it was a boy peacock not a girl. So I went with it. What’s gender anyway?
Tonight, moldavite. I know you’ve got more power in there buddy. Let me have it!
Be sure you’re following me everywhere so you don’t miss a thing!